Back in the dark ages of sex and technology, the obscene phone caller was a kind of bogeyman depicted as a random caller who breathed heavily, possibly made a few lewd comments, and vanished back down the little wire at the other end of your telephone. The phenomenon (if we can call it that) became so popularized as to be made into who-knows-how-many clichйs, jokes, and pranks. Some women became terrified or merely disgusted, some obscene callers were targeted, arrested, and then -- without its titillating cachet of newness -- you never heard about it anymore, until phonesex virtually exploded as a moneymaking adjunct to the newly initiated 1-900 numbers. Suddenly, there were, seemingly, an unending list of women (and men) who would be happy -- for a per-minute fee -- to talk you through a masturbation session, enhancing your fantasy stroke with a real live human voice.

Not surprisingly, telephone usage soared as customers, mostly men, handheld more than their telephone receiver while scores of phonesex operators -- where did they all come from? -- listened, made up stories, moaned, and secretly gossiped about caller #3 or #3502.

The competition was stiff, as market shares rose and fell, and entrepreneurial types realized credit card tele-masturbation was big business. Obviously, a trend was climaxing, and girlfriends, SOs, wives, fiancйes, and "friends" decided they’d better get in the pool or be left treading water alone. Phonesex was reborn as a special way to reach out and touch someone as well as "let your fingers do the walking."

Like cybersex, its keyboard counterpart, phonesex became part of the digital revolution. It brought together temporary and even long-term couples in a breathless intimacy that required neither condoms, clean sheets, dinner-and-drinks, nor uneasy breakfasts the morning after. While it pretended to be partner sex, we have to face up that phonesex is, at bottom, masturbation. But it is a special kind of masturbation that now has its own special branches, styles, and formats.

For example, it seems the most popular form, particularly between long-distance couples is the M & M. This, obviously, has nothing to do with the candy that melts in your mouth, and everything to do with the kind that melts all over your hand. M & M stands for mutual-masturbation in which both partners seduce each other to the point of orgasm, usually by exchanging plenty of Ooooos, Ahhhhs, and those intimate wet sounds that assure participants a good time is being had by all. With the advent of conference calls, speaker boxes, and computer phones, long-distance threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes are only limited by willing joiners-in. No doubt solo swingers and swappers, too, have found ways to turn phonesex into regular dial-in whack off parties.

An alternative form is the "first you, then me." One partner describes what he or she would do if they were actually beside the listener, verbally urging them to touch themselves as they could "be my hands, be my tongue, be my _________ (fill in the blank)." Then, once one partner has climaxed, it’s then their turn to return the favor.

Naturally, kink or alternative joins in the phonesex-masturbation play, frequently in the D/S relationship vein. The dom or domme instructs their willing subbie exactly what to do and when, sometimes with appropriate humble responses such as whimpers, begging, and "please let me come nows." The power exchange trip may also get off the domme or dom that they, too, masturbate to climax.

A fourth kind of phonesex-masturbation play is kind of a reverse of the old obscene phone caller from back in the day. Called (audio) "voyeur" phonesex, this consists of one partner just listening in while the other masturbates with appropriate sounds and/or words, but no actual dialogue between them.

Phonesex-masturbation, once the dirty little secret, is so widespread and popularized that it has its own special erotic fiction written about it. Nicholson Baker’s Vox is probably the best known published work, but a number of short stories abound, both in erotica anthologies and on the Internet.

"What are you wearing?" was and still remains one of the most typical opening lines for phonesex. The responses can be genuine or fantasized and range from "Nothing but a smile" to the more bizarre fetish costumes. The conversation usually broadens out to "What are you doing?", "What are going to do?", and simply "Do it now." As with cybersex, phonesex can be as down-home vanilla or freaky-as-you-please and even eliminates all those reality blocks and sometimes anatomical impossibilities of live, in-person, conjugations of sexual conduct. And the climaxes are always under your direct control.

Twenty years ago (long before the current administration’s abstinence-only programs) the American Medical Association declared masturbation is a normal and healthy sexual activity. Medical statistics then said that 98% of men and 95% of women masturbate with frequency. Many, obviously, are still hooking up via telephone to share the intimate moments. Kind of gives "I’ll call you" a whole new meaning, doesn’t it?

©2003 by William Dean

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